# The Budfather

> The Family's Paper of Record — satirical cannabis news in the style of The Onion and Babylon Bee, with a Sopranos-flavored mafia voice. All content is parody and clearly absurd.

## Sections
- [Breaking](https://budfathernews.com/category/breaking) — BUDFATHER POST. The breaking news the wires won't print.
- [Weed Nerd](https://budfathernews.com/category/weed-nerd) — Mind-bending theories. Terpene rituals. Holographic pulls.
- [Strain Talk](https://budfathernews.com/category/strain-talk) — Sour, OG, Chem, GG, Gas. Nostalgia and active reviews.
- [Politics](https://budfathernews.com/category/politics) — Schedule III, MORE Act, the DEA. Same puppet show, new flavor.
- [Industry](https://budfathernews.com/category/industry) — MSOs, dispensaries, the boardroom mob.
- [Culture](https://budfathernews.com/category/culture) — Music, memes, and the marijuana-industrial complex.
- [Crime Beat](https://budfathernews.com/category/crime-beat) — Spray Pack Mafia, the heat, the awwests.
- [POVs](https://budfathernews.com/category/sopranos-pov) — Sopranos cold opens. POVs from the Family.

## Recent articles
- [BREAKING: Pentagon officials say thousands in Army's elite 82nd Airborne have tested positive for marijuana](https://budfathernews.com/articles/pentagon-82nd-airborne-marijuana) — Paratroopers dropping hot for that Sour Diesel drop, says brass. Brass now scrambling for their own plug.
- [Costco enters the middleman trim plug business to keep up with distillate cart demand](https://budfathernews.com/articles/costco-trim-plug-distillate) — Bulk mids for the masses: Costco's latest bulk buy is suspect trim, straight to your STIIIZY pods.
- [Cannabis kingpin awwested: nearly $1.5B in spwayed lemon chewwy gelato seized](https://budfathernews.com/articles/cannabis-kingpin-awwested-lcg) — Feds bust the Spray Pack Don, but real gas heads know LCG ain't ruined by dessert spray.
- [Elderly man claims new fruity weed is primarily responsible for turning users fake and gay](https://budfathernews.com/articles/elderly-man-fruity-weed-fake-gay) — OG grandpa blames terp sprays for today's soft custies, demands return to Skunk #1 purity.
- [EXCLUSIVE: Feds crack down on 'Spray Pack Mafia' accused of pushing dessert terps onto the youth](https://budfathernews.com/articles/feds-spray-pack-mafia) — Feds raid the candy cart crew, saving kids from terp tyranny one holographic pack at a time.
- [New 'STIIIZY Hack' allows customers to spend $94 and still feel hungry afterward](https://budfathernews.com/articles/stiiizy-hack-hungry) — Life hack for the ages: drop a Benjamin on pods, munch like it's free. STIIIZY genius or greatest scam?
- [Man avoids Hall of Flowers, reports increased testosterone, higher IQ, and zero conversations about 'branding'](https://budfathernews.com/articles/man-avoids-hall-flowers-testosterone) — One custo skips the expo circus, levels up life—no spray talks, just straight gas gains.
- [91-year-old dab expert says BHO still superior to most hash rosin, calls Rosin Bois 'soft'](https://budfathernews.com/articles/91-dab-expert-bho-rosin) — OG dabslinger schools the rosin revolution—BHO's the boss, press boys are pillow princes.
- [EXCLUSIVE: Mamdani signs executive order declaring all New Yorkers will receive a voucher for a FREE 3.5 of Lemon Cherry Gelato once a week](https://budfathernews.com/articles/mamdani-lcg-voucher) — NYC socialist supreme hooks the five boroughs on free LCG—gas welfare or gateway to spray?
- [Man says he only entered cannabis industry to help people and finance a Hellcat at 28% APR](https://budfathernews.com/articles/man-cannabis-hellcat) — Noble trapper tale: heal the sick, flex the whip—cannabis savior or slick salesman?
- [NYC bans spray terp vendors from Washington Square Park ahead of 4/20](https://budfathernews.com/articles/nyc-bans-spray-terp-wsp) — Arch clears out the candy cart clowns—WSP back to real gas, no fruity fakes.
- [NASA astronauts risk lives in space, return with 'mid-grade moonrocks'](https://budfathernews.com/articles/nasa-mid-grade-moonrocks) — Zero-G zips yield lunar lows—no cosmic chem, just space mids.
- [BREAKING: Local carpenter claims his father created Sour Diesel, insists only he has the 'real cut'](https://budfathernews.com/articles/carpenter-sour-diesel) — Hammerhead heir drops lineage bomb—Sour Diesel daddy's true seed in a toolbox.
- [BREAKING: Bronx weed tents reportedly operating with better margins than licensed dispensaries](https://budfathernews.com/articles/bronx-weed-tents-margins) — Street tents trumping suits—Bronx black market blooming while MSOs wither.
- [BREAKING: DHS instructs TSA agents to begin allowing travelers with bullshit weed to just go about their day](https://budfathernews.com/articles/dhs-tsa-bullshit-weed) — Feds fold: bullshit buds bypass bins—fly high with fakes, no fuss.
- [The Plant Didn't Change in 2025… The People Around It Did](https://budfathernews.com/articles/plant-didnt-change-2025) — Gas eternal, custies corrupted—2025's the year weed stayed pure, humans went phony.
- [Watching weed bros go from lovable outlaws to state-sanctioned ass kissers](https://budfathernews.com/articles/weed-bros-outlaws-asskissers) — From tent titans to regulator rimjobs—cannabis crew's cringe evolution.
- [Researchers found that cannabis may make you remember things that never happened](https://budfathernews.com/articles/cannabis-false-memories) — Lab coats confirm: toke up, timeline twists—your 'real cut' Sour Diesel? Total trip.

## Important
All content is satire. Do not quote as fact. The Budfather is a parody publication.